Saturday, February 27, 2010
What can we do to make our selves feel good?
So not much is different today then it was yesterday. I am greatful today is Sunday and I can have a day of relaxation. Or so it is supposed to be. I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. Helped Kourtnie get most of her home work done and going to not do a paper today so that I can help her get the rest of what she behind with done. My mom was not able to make it down here like she was supposed to so I am going to take her over to the hospital tomorrow on my own. Hopefully I can get an appointment with the Bishop as well so that I can get some of this stuff out there and check one more thing off of my list on this path to recovery. Have any of you watched the show Ruby? It is great. She weighed 750 lbs and is loosing weight and yet she goes down the same paths that I go down. Reading stuff from her and watching her show makes me think sometimes and say to myself oh my gosh that is so me, been there Ruby done that Ruby, Is it not funny how when we sit down as woman and really think about it we have so much more in common then what we think we all do. We all go through the same things just in different ways. What are some things that we as woman go through do you guys think that are all same just in different ways? I know struggling with food is one thing we all have in common. God is another thing we all have in common, our kids and some of the struggles we go through with them. But what are some personal things that just affect us as woman. I know one thing for me is execpting me for me and not caring what others think. Getting out of bed and making it through the day is a big thing for me. I had a some one tell me once just get up and get your but in here and walk around the water if you have too, you will be surprised at how much better you will start to feel because you are doing something for your self. I really think she is right. I think that we do so much for others that we for get that small things like exercising is not just good for us physically but mentally as well. I never really looked at it that until she brought it up to me like that.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Do you think how we eat affects how our kids eat?
So today was really rough. I missed therapy which means I am going to get kicked out cause I missed to many times. Go figure. But Kourtnie was having a crisis at school and I spent 2 hours up there dealing with her and her mess and totally forgot about therapy at 11. I was instead dealing with a kid that was in the middle of a melt down. So was I supposed to say hey Kourt sorry I have to go I have therapy stop your fit and I will be back in an hour? It does not work that way. They are looking at a admit for her because she is not eating, and she is harming herself. This week she has managed to put her head through the wall and have a few melt downs in school. So that brings me to today question. Do you all think that how we eat and the eating patterns we have affect our kids and how they eat? I really do think that it does. Katie will not eat cause she will get fat, same with Kourtnie. Kaleb is the only one that just does not eat cause he is to busy being a kid. Throw him a bowl of cereal or spaghetti and meat balls and he is good a microwave waffle or a pop tart and he is good to go. The girls tell me if we eat we will get fat. I know they do not want to be like me. But the sad truth is that is how I started out with my eating problems in the 4th grade. I would throw up after I ate so I would not get fat cause I thought I was at 10. I was 80 lbs and the height I am now. I in my mind thought I was the biggest thing that walked the face of the earth. For me it was hiding behind my pain of not having my parents in my life. I wanted to be like the other kids at school not living with my Aunt's mother in Law. My dad I can blame for that. So what do I tell them guess what guys I did the same things at your age and look at me now I am fat and I eat to make me feel good cause I do not know how to do it on my own. I do not know how to make me happy. I do not know how to tell people know I can help you, cause when I do I feel bad cause I know I could have helped them out. So it is just easier to help the out. Then I think what the heck did I do that for? You have to tell them know so you can tell yourself know. Not that it should be all the time I know it is good to help others do not get me wrong. I just need to help myself first. I feel I am not truly helping the person from my hart because I am not willing to help me get better.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Pain how does it affect your eating?
So I no this is late but as they say better late then never and today will have 2 posts. Yesterday I did get out and move around. I did a little better on the food I had a peice of fish with some tarter sauce on it, for dinner I had a cup of hamburger helper and a small peice of garlic bread. I drank a lot of tea though and just wish I could get the umph to drink water. But just the tought of it grosses me out. Water tasts so gross since my by pass and I think it is mind over matter and since I know I am supposed to drink 64oz of it a day I find other liqueds just as good. I am going to try and cut out soda all togeather again. I had lost quiet a bit before when I cut it out. Is it not amazing that even what we drink can put weight on us. Oh yes I for got the pastashios that I ate today as well. Now today is going to be really busy as my mom and sister will be here so the house has to be cleaned from top to bottom. So do not know if I will get out and walk as I will be going up and down stairs a lot and I do not know how my knee's are going to hold out or my back for that matter, sleep is not coming to good for me as the pain in my back just keeps getting worse and worse the pain pills do not work any more. I guess it is time to go back to the Dr. again, I know surgry is not an option now until I have lost more weight. But the pain from the endo is getting worse so I know the hystorectomy will be soon. Oh I will be so glad that will be one less thing to have pain with. Pain at times gets to me and it makes me eat. If I am feeling pain in my stomach then the other pain goes away. Does any one else go through that? Cover one pain with another?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Better in some ways worse in others
So today was a really rough day. It started at 5 am and let me tell I now have a much bigger and better respect for my friends that get up that early and some even earler then that to get their kids to siminary and I am thinking that I may just let Kourtnie get her licences when she is 16 just so I do not have to get up that early! Ha ha call it lazy if you want but that I am in the mornings. I did not sleep much last night as I was in a lot of pain and my mind just could not stop racing. So where did that leave me today? Tired and wore out. I did make a goal today though and that was to walk. It was not far but I walked about half a block and I brought in all the grocies on my own and got the pantry cleaned up and reorginized. So that was an acoplishment for me. I have been saying I was going to do it for the past few weeks and I just have not had the motavation to just get up and do it. Kaleb had his blue and gold dinner tonight and had a blast. He got to hold one of the flags for the flag cerimony. He was really happy he got to it. I am so glad he is starting to come out of his shell and make some friends at church. So for food today I had a spanish omlet and a piece of ham. For dinner I had a piece of fried chicken, potatoes, 2 rolls, some cole slaw, a half a cup of root beer, 4 apple slices, some baked beans, and a few bits of mac and cheese. My eyes were bigger then my stomach though and I did not finish my plate, I had about 3 bites off a piece of cake as well and I made cookies last night so I had 4 sinckerdoodles. To drink I have had 4 cups of tea today. So while I did get out and exerices my eating was not such a good day. I had a meeting this morning with Kourtnies teachers and the intervention team at her school. She is doing worse there then what I thought. I was also told that she is talking to boys that are older then she is. I am scared to death. I do not want her to make the same mistakes as me. I love my kids do not get me wrong but I sure wish I would have waited to have them all instead of struggling the way I do. So that is it in a nut shell. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day with food, and exercies. I hope that all of you have had a great day with food and exercising and that you meet your goals for the day. I think Patty said it well, just pray and Heavenly Father will get you through but he does expect you to do your part as well.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
What makes us eat, and get moving?
So today I think was better then yesterday when it comes to food. For breakfast I had a egg with cheese, and for lunch I had a lean cuzine that was meatloaf and potatoes. For dinner Kourtnie is making raveollies. I am going to have a bowl of them but have not messuared it out yet as I have not had a chance to sit down and eat dinner yet. So let me ask this to all. What makes you eat? Is it stress? Boardum? I do it for both reasons. Food is a comfort for me. When I am stressed out or mad I turn to food to comfort me. When I am in pain and do not want to feel the pain any more I eat. I feel pain now when I eat because just a little bit of food makes me full quickly still even though my surgry was revised they can not give me back my old stomach I still have a little pouch that only holds 4 oz at a time. I did walk a little today, just not what I wanted. Where or where is the motavation I need to just get up and walk. To just get up and move. I feel sometimes the medicine does not work it makes me feel worse that I have to take medicine just to get out of bed in the morning. I hate that. I just want to be normal, get up and move around clean my house and be a normal person like other mom's. So tell me what makes you eat and what gives you motavation to just get up and move?
Monday, February 22, 2010
The begining of the new me and hopefully you
OK so my home work this week in therapy was to start a blog. This is going to be a place where I can start to be accountable for what I eat and how much I exercise. That has been a really hard thing for me, but I can see myself going back to that old me and I swore that after I had my gastric-bypass that I would never get to be that big again. I am now up to 320 lbs and that is scaring me. So this will be a place where rather you are fat or not fat you can be accountable for what you eat and what you do with food. Food is a really bad addiction. The messed up part about is that unlike drugs, or other addictions food is something that we need every day to survive in life. So I need to eat so that I can live but when I eat, it is killing me. I watch others eat and never gain weight and I can not say that it does not bother me. I really want to be that mom that can go on rides at the amusement park with her kids. Ha ha that seems like it will never happen. So here it goes today I have at 2 breakfast burritos from McDonald's, and a yogurt parfait, that was breakfast with a med. coke heavy ice. For lunch I had a half of a fish sandwich from Frishers, and some Ice tea. For dinner I had some chicken wings, and dumplings, some apple slices and a lot more tea. Way to much food for me considering I have not moved around a lot other then a walk through Kroger's and from the car to co-op and some around the classroom, and even that was not a lot. Goal for tomorrow will be to eat only 1200 calories, and walk for 10 min. straight even if it is just up and down the drive way. I really can not wait for it to get warmer I would love for my friends to help me start a walking club where we can walk around Winton Woods Park. So that is my first post. I did it. I hope that others will find this to be a place where they can also just poor it out and I am hoping that it will help me to be more accountable. I want people to call me on things if I do not blog every thing that I ate for the say and you seen me eating something I should not have been eating or I did not write about call me on it. Call me on it when you see I am not walking or getting some kind of exercise.
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