Life moves on

My Daddy is here. Hard to beleave. It has been 11 years since I have seen him last. There is so much going on right now and I can honestly say thank God I have him in my life. Not my dad yes I am glad to have him there too but Heavenly Father. Over the last year I have had a lot on my plate. I choose to go with my hart and do what I needed to do a long time ago. I am filing for divorce tomorrow. I know it is something that I should have done a long time ago. I have had many people tell me why am I still here if I am not happy and them knowning everything that I have gone through over the years with Alex, I hope and pray that in the end we can still be friends for Kale's sake. But at this point I do not know if that is going to happen just from the things that Alex is already saying. I am however ready to raise my kids on my own with out him. It is funny how things turn out in life. We grow up and we grow apart. I am thankfull for the friends I have in our ward and my friends that are not membars of the church. I will be needing everyone's support through this, but it is something I know I have to do.

Life at times can be so funny and at other times can be so sad. For a long time I choose to let things get me down and to dewll on them. I had to stop step back and take a look at where I was going and if I was making progress in making myself a better person. I had to stop and think about every thing friends had told me and take those things in to propestive. I sat back and I seen how much happiness they had in their lives and how negative mine was. I wanted to be like them so bad, happy family, happy with myself, but how was I going to get there if all I could see was the bad things that kept happining in my life. I could never see the good. Then one day I woke up and said today is going to be the day that I see no more bad in this world but see the good that Heavenly Father is putting in front of me. I said I would no longer post negative things and if that meant a 3 word post then so be it. But I have found that even though some days I want to fall back in those old habits, like the other day a friend said you never smile. I said what do I have to smile for? He said ever time I see you, you are never smiling smile because you are alive. That really hit me. I had never really thought of that. Heck I am alive because Heavenly Father has been so gracious as to allow me to be here on this earth this long. I now smile every day when I wake up and thank him for one more day that I have here.
It is coming up on my Rocsheda's birthday she would have been 12 this year. My big girl, I think back to when she was alive. I was so happy even though my baby was sick she had a smile on her face every day and would never cry. I had to think what an inspiration she was to me then and how much of an inspiration she can be to me today. Even though she is not her physically she is still here in my hart. I can use her memory as a tool to help me smile every day, in the midst's of all of the craziness that goes on around me.
What are the things that make you smile every day? When you feel down what memories do you have of some one special like my Rocsheda? We all have so much to be thankful for and to smile for so when you feel like frowning just turn it up side down and make it a smile.

So a lot has been happening last few weeks. I said I was no longer going to post negative things on my Blog. So I am going to look at this post as Heavenly Fathers way of showing me, what the next faze of my life is going to be.
I have had to think long and hard about what the Bible says about divorce, it says the only grounds for divorce is adultery, with that being said it happened a long time ago but not me. It was on the other hand the other person in this relationship, I choose to forgive and go on. I had a friend that told me that if I choose to forgive there was no going back on it and I had to stay with my husband. I can no longer do that. I'm not happy and I do not want to be in this relationship any more. I know there is so much more in life that Heavenly Father has in store for me.
I have been unhappy for a very long time in this relationship and it is time to move on. That is what I am doing I am moving on. Since I have realized that I have been loosing more weight doing more things for myself and the kids and I am having the time of my life doing this. Wow hard to believe that I have allowed myself to be held back by a man all these years.
So now moving on. My dad is very sick, he does not have to much long to live. I got told tonight if I allow my dad to come and live with me Alex would leave. I told him that was fine he could leave. I was not going to choose between the man that gave me life and my husband. My dad gave me life and may not have been the best father but he did give me life and I had the chance to spend what little time left he has here on earth and and that is what I am going to do.I love my dad and I love the fact that Heavenly Father is giving us a second chance to build a relationship with each other. What are some second chances you have been giving?