LOSS but hope for Kaleb

So it has been a bit since I last posted. Today I spent the whole day at Mercy Fairfeild and will have to see a speacilist in 3 days to set up a complet hystorectomy. I new it would come I just did not think it would come this soon. I thought I would still have a few years before I had to go that rout but I guess heavenly father has other planes for me. When you have tubes tied it is still ok cause you could still have kids later if you thought it was wright. Not this way you never get to breast feed again you never get to have that last baby you always wanted it is all gone. Not that I want more kids but it would be nice to know that I have choice if I wanted it. So it is just another loss. I failed my math class which I new I would and since neither of us have a job I do not have the money to retake the class and school is on hold till I have the money to do it. I have tryed for personal loans and it is not happing. Ha ha medical bills will kill any ones dreams. Thanks Mr. President. Kourtnie leaves for camp in 24 hours a week with out my baby here. What will I do she is my streangth a lot of the time and helps me keep this house going. I know this is not the first time my girl has left last summer this time she was in Chicago on a mission, and helping others learn about God. Now she is going to learn about God and have a great time doing it. Kaleb has finally got two diagonisis for sure he has 100% aspergers, and he has oppitional definace dissorder 2 out of 3 kids with ODD I am doing good. He will see a Dr. on the 28th of July as they think he has a mood disorder which I guess is better then the ADHD that we though he had. I am just glad I am getting him help, it is a major fight with Alex all the time because he does not want to admit that Kaleb has problems and says I am just putting all of this stuff on him. I just want my son to be happy it just broke my hart when he told them at the intake that he wants to be able to do more and that he wants more males around him. Two things I can not give him. He is around girls all the time and the poor kid thinks it is ok to paint his toe nailes because of all the girles around him. HELP here if you have boys and live close and we can set up play dates I would love it and so would he. I go Wensday to orintation for Katie, and Kaleb for the BOSS program for next school they are both really excited and can not wait for Co-op to start. I can not wait either it will be great for all of us. So what are things that you all have lost? My list can go on and on for days with all of the loss I have had.